This life is something else I swear!!!!!!

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Where do I even begin. This past year has been the worst roller coaster ride ever. There have been some good times and a whole lot of bad times. Somehow I have managed to survive. Don’t ask me how, at this point I am still suprised I have. There have been many times that I seriously debated ending everything, but I managed to overcome those urges and keep on going. I’ve lost so many things this past year; my house, some of my family, friends, things I owned. But it has brought me to probably the happiest I have ever been in my life. I am free of my fears of being abandon, of being alone, of bein worthless. I am in a position at work where I feel I am able to excel and use my considerably bored brain and learn new things. The only thing besides starting completely over from scratch again, is of course my health. Never in a million years did I think that the worst health problem I would have would be being able to walk. I love my job that I have now and I’ll be damned if my job isn’t 95% walking. I am doing everything in my power to keep my positive outlook on life right now, but I have to admit it’s hard as hell. My only positive in this at the moment is this new computer my fiance bought me (mulitiple uses at this point) is allowing me the ability to do this. I haven’t had a way to right nor the will to do a whole lot lately. Things got pretty dark for a while for me. Tom was worried that I wasn’t gonna make it through this for a while. He was so worried and had no clue what to do to help. But I made a decision one morning, and I haven’t looked back. I woke up one monday morning and decided I was gonna be happy no matter what life threw at me. There have been times I would have sworn that life hated me. I have always tried to do right. But with everything I have been through, who wouldn’t have that outlook. I have made myself a promise to do this, as I have found it really does help when I get everything out. And since talking isn’t one of my virtues, writing it down is way easier. So how better to get out what’s on my mind then write it all down. Maybe someone will have an idea that will be the light at the end of the tunnel for me.

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