And they call me crazy!!!!

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So this week has been the most trying and rough week I have had in a long time. All thanks to the wonderful thing we call family. I am still trying to figure out how people are able to justify someone’s actions that are horrendous in all accounts as ok because “that’s just mom”? How is it ok to tear someone down and blame them for all these things when in reality your the one who did them or is doing them? How can someone deliberately put their own child, someone they claim to love with their whole heart, out as the scapegoat for everything even when they did nothing wrong. I am so sickened by the fact that this was all done over “money”. Something I never honestly believed I would get to begin with based on past experiences with this woman and her greed.

I know I am wrong for some of the things that I did out of anger and hurt. But never in a million years would I have brought an innocent child into something so petty. And for a 60-year-old retired woman, who worked with Social Services most of her life, and adopted 6 children, you would think that she would know better. But no, she is trying to ruin a 15-year-olds life just as he is getting it together and starting to understand himself what it is like to have borderline personality disorder. I have never understood why people always put on airs when they clearly were fake and why people flocked to them. Growing up in school, all the kids in my grade and my age group-ish, flocked to the woman who claims to be my mom. I couldn’t understand why when she clearly was nice to their face and then as soon as they walked away stabbed them in the back to everyone else. And everyone else just went with it. No one believed me when I said she was evil incarnate and I couldn’t wait to leave her house. She was controlling to the point I had no friends growing up. I wasn’t allowed to do the things my cousins (who were the same age) were, hang out by a fire partying or anything. Once I got my drivers license and my own money it got a little better. Still, even when I graduated and had a factory job, I had a curfew that most kids had at 16. I was 18/19. I was so sheltered that when I met my first husband, I had no warning on what life really was. But 5 kids later, I figured it out eventually. Granted that was after DHS, courts, divorce, numerous physical assaults, mental abuse,2 suicide attempts,  and the first I had ever heard of borderline personality disorder. By that point, I had lost my kids. Now I have one that is working on transitioning down to live with me permanently and I would do anything and everything to make sure that he has all the help and support that I never got. To this day, the so-called mom, says that if I took things in a certain way that wasn’t on her. I figured her out a long time ago and if it hadn’t been for my sisters and brother would probably have never thought about her again. I learned the hard way that narcissists are people that don’t deserve a spot in my life.  Not to mention the fact that I am so sensitive to peoples emotions that they just drained everything in me. It would take me a week to recover myself again. But over and over again, she would ask for help like an infant about things in life that she should have already learned by then. I always came to the rescue, assisting her in things that should have been done by her. Granted I wasn’t the only one in my family that gave in to her. But I have been one of two siblings that have stood up to her and wouldn’t back down. The rest make excuses for her and cater to her every desire. All the while she turns around and says they aren’t doing this or that or leaving her very little to survive on when if she hadn’t blown her check in 4 days flat, she would have been able to take care of herself. Forget the fact that they are paying for a hotel room, all her food, bought her a truck, moved her to Tennessee because she wanted to go (not all did but went anyway) and are taking care of every other little need she might have, it still isn’t good enough and they are just so mean to her. She’s barely surviving. Lord, if only I could survive like that. I would be the most grateful person you had ever met. But no, I earn and work hard for all I have. I wouldn’t have it any other way. This way no one can say “well, I bought this for you or I paid for that”. Never again. I have lost everything more than once and had to start from scratch. It’s made me thankful for all that I do have and gave me the generous heart to open my home to people when they have nothing else. Until Nell, I can honestly say that I have never in my life met anyone as privileged as her. You would think she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth and everything in life has been handed to her on a silver platter. When I told her about my writing, her biggest fear was that I would make her out to be this horrible person. Which is why it was so hard to write while she lived with me. I was terrified of upsetting her. Not sure why, but I felt like a little girl and didn’t want her mad at me. Now, all bets are off. I am proud of the fact that I owned up to my family on my issues. I didn’t back down or try to blame everyone else for what I myself did. Nor did I try and lie and keep it from them. Now, I am the worst human being on the earth to her and I am trying to ruin her life, all because I came clean and refused to lie to my sisters. In the process of talking to one sister, I found out some of the stuff that she had been saying about me behind my back to the others. That along with the fact that everyone else that was going to help her deserved to be paid, but I was expected to do it all without question, had me feeling like I was less than dirt. And I reacted. What cornered, hurt, terrified being wouldn’t. I regret acting so rashly, but I do not regret my sisters knowing the truth. She looked down and degraded my one sister’s fiance for using drugs, yet she was using herself. I admitted that I used and that I had stopped when it came to getting my son. I would do anything for him and his sisters. Including giving up my own life. I would never dream of hurting them the way that she has me in the last two weeks. I would never deliberately do something that would potentially harm my niece or sisters and brother for life. Yet she aimed directly at him without a care in the world. That’s about the same as it would be for me to get a hold of my sister’s soon to be ex-husband who is a CSC felon and not supposed to be around children exactly where they were so he could go get his daughter. But I know that I am better than that, that I have better morals. Nope, instead, she went after my 15-year-old son (who is exactly like his mom) and threatened his well being. With that, all bets are off. Now your gonna see a raging tiger protecting her cub with everything she has. Never again will I allow this woman to hurt me or mine. I will do everything the right way, and karma has always been a very good friend of mine. I have never had to “plot” revenge, she has always given those who deserve it what they needed. I have a feeling my life is now going to get a whole lot calmer and hers is going to get even harder for her. Especially now that my siblings know exactly what she did and what her actions caused. All I can say is that I am glad she is out of my life forever and that I know that I am in the right due to the peace in my heart at this moment. Never mess with a MOTHER’S children.

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